


Bottled Up

by telperion_15



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Angst, Drama, First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-28
Updated: 2010-05-28
Packaged: 2017-10-09 18:37:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/90327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/telperion_15/pseuds/telperion_15
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Trip puts himself in danger, Archer doesn't handle it well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Archer has a run-in with a hostile alien.

Jonathan Archer crept silently through the trees, phase pistol held out in front of him. He hadn't glimpsed the alien he was tracking for some minutes now, but he wasn't going to let down his guard even for a second. Why a member of an alien race would fire on him without provocation was a mystery to him, but fired the alien had. Luckily, he had missed, leaving Archer unhurt but most definitely wanting to find out what was going on. So he had pulled out his phase pistol and hurried after the retreating form of his attacker as quietly as he could.

Suddenly, Archer's communicator chirped. Cursing under his breath, the Captain pulled it out, intending to silence it before it could give away his position. However, he was too late.

"T'Pol to Archer."

Frustrated, Archer flipped open the communicator. "What is it?" he hissed.

"Are you all right, Captain? We were supposed to rendez-vous ten minutes ago. Commander Tucker was becoming quite concerned."

"I'm fine," Archer started to say, but he was interrupted by a crashing sound above him. Jerking his head back, he saw his alien attacker descending on him from the branches of the tree above. The force of the impact knocked Archer to the ground, sending his phase pistol spinning out of reach. Gasping for breath, he pulled himself to his knees, noticing as he did so that the alien had also lost his weapon. However, whatever small advantage this gave Archer was quickly lost, as the alien launched himself at the Captain again, and set about systematically beating the pulp out of him. Still winded from the initial attack, Archer could barely protect himself, and it was several seconds before he got the opportunity to fight back. Eventually, he managed to plant a foot on the alien's chest, propelling him backwards, and giving Archer some breathing space. Almost immediately, however, Archer realised his mistake, as he saw the alien straighten up, now pointing the Captain's own weapon at him.

"_Bahlan moc apanat incho hyte!_"

Archer had no idea what the alien was saying, and without the Universal translator, or even Hoshi Sato, his Communications Officer, it wasn't likely that he was going to understand any time soon. However, what was obvious was that the alien was being very hostile towards him. The only bright spot in this confrontation was that his weapon had been set to stun as opposed to kill, and while Archer didn't fancy being shot at all, he supposed temporary unconsciousness was preferable to death. He just prayed that the alien didn't figure out how to change the phase pistol's settings. Raising his hands placatingly, Archer figured his only current option was to try diplomacy.

"My name is Jonathan Archer, and I'm Captain of the Starship Enterprise," he began, knowing the alien couldn't understand him, but hoping that his conciliatory tone of voice would convey something of what he was trying to say. "I don't know what I've done to upset you, but I hope that we can work this out."

"_Rapat!_" The alien dealt Archer a stunning blow round the head, blurring his vision and sending him reeling. Consequently, he only heard rather than saw the next burst of weapons fire, and it took him several more seconds to realise that the firing hadn't been aimed at him, and that he wasn't unconscious, or even dead. He looked up to discover that although the alien was still standing over him, his attention was no longer focused on the Captain of the Enterprise. Turning his head, Archer saw that the alien was now the one who had a weapon pointed at him, that weapon being held by a very irate looking Commander Charles 'Trip' Tucker III.

"Sorry about that Cap'n," drawled Trip. "I seem to have missed with my first shot, but as I always say, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again."

The alien, however, obviously did not want to wait and see if Tucker's aim improved. Delivering one final swift kick to Archer's torso, he darted off into the thickest part of the trees. Choking and gasping for breath, Archer heard Tucker curse, fire his weapon again, and then set off running.

"Commander, wait," gasped Archer, but he might as well have been whispering for all the good it did. The Captain raised his head just in time to see Tucker disappear in pursuit of the alien.

Seconds later, T'Pol appeared from the opposite direction. "Captain, are you all right?" she asked calmly.

"I'm fine," Archer wheezed, struggling to his feet. "We have to go and help Commander Tucker. He's pursuing a hostile alien."

"Captain, you are in no fit state to go anywhere," replied T'Pol. "Let me help you back to the shuttle, and I will contact Lieutenant Reed and ask him to assist Commander Tucker."

"Like hell you will," grated Archer. "Trip could be dead by then."

T'Pol raised one Vulcan eyebrow, and seemed about to reply with yet another oh-so logical remark. However, she was interrupted by the sound of more weapons fire coming from the forest. Archer just gave her a grim look, and then staggered off in the direction of the sound.

Only a minute or two later, Archer and T'Pol had discovered the source of the weapons fire. Rounding a huge tree trunk, the pair discovered Archer's not-so-friendly alien standing over the inert form of Commander Tucker. Seeing the Captain and the Vulcan again, the alien dropped the Starfleet phase pistol and set off at a run again, this time unpursued. Archer's attention was wholly taken up by the unconscious form of his Chief Engineer. Checking his pulse, the Captain discovered a shallow yet steady heartbeat. The pistol had obviously remained on its stun setting throughout the whole incident. Archer flipped open his communicator.

"Archer to Reed."

"Reed here."

"Lieutenant, Commander Tucker has been injured. I need you to make your way to our position, and bring a stretcher from the shuttlepod with you."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trip receives a telling-off from his Captain.

Trip stood apprehensively outside the door to the Captain's Ready Room. He had been standing here for nearly two minutes now, wondering why exactly it was that he couldn't bring himself to push the door chime and enter the room. He berated himself silently for his nervousness. Surely he had no reason to be afraid of what Captain Archer might say? He hadn't done anything recently that would warrant a telling-off, had he? But try as he might, Trip couldn't quite convince himself that this meeting with his commanding officer was going to be simply a friendly chat. Sure, he had only just got out of sickbay that morning after his encounter with the hostile alien on that away mission a couple of days ago, and he had no doubt that Archer would have been concerned about him. However, the steely note in the Captain's voice when he had summoned Trip to his Ready Room had strongly suggested to the engineer that his welfare wasn't the only thing concerning Archer. Taking a deep breath, Trip raised his hand and pressed the door chime.

* * *

At the sound of the door chime, Archer steeled himself mentally for the ensuing confrontation. Punishing his Chief Engineer and best friend was the last thing he wanted to do, but he had to make sure that Trip learned his lesson. He only prayed that Trip would understand what he was about to do.

"Come in." The door slid open, and Commander Tucker entered the room.

"Reportin', Sir." Was it Archer's imagination, or did he notice a slightly apprehensive air surrounding the engineer?

"How are you, Commander?" asked Archer immediately. He wanted to be sure that Trip was all right before he started dishing out his punishment. His worry for his best friend had overshadowed everything else for the past couple of days, and had ultimately led to his decision regarding Trip.

Trip's heart sank at the formal use of his rank as the Captain's mode of address. Definitely not a friendly chat, then. "I'm feelin' much better, thank you Sir. A phase pistol set to stun isn't somethin' I want to experience again any time soon, but I just thank my lucky stars that it wasn't set to kill."

"I'm glad to hear it," replied Archer. "However, the events of a couple of days ago have given me cause to think very seriously about your actions on away missions."

Trip's heart sank a little further. "How so, Cap'n?" he asked.

Archer sighed. "To put it bluntly, Commander, your actions are often rash, and you often end up getting yourself into unnecessary trouble." Holding his hand up to forestall the protestation he knew Trip would try to make, Archer continued: "I know the situations you find yourself in aren't always your fault, but the fact remains that you do seem to have a knack for trouble."

Finally able to get a word in edgeways, Trip protested. "But Cap'n, how are we supposed to explore the cosmos without takin' any risks?"

"There are risks, and there are _risks_, Commander. Some are necessary for the furtherance of our mission, but some are completely unnecessary. And you, unfortunately, seem prone to taking the unnecessary ones. Take the other day, for example. You saved me from that alien, for which I am extremely grateful. But, instead of just letting things lie, you then went running off after it, alone, and got yourself severely injured in the process."

A sense of outrage welled up inside Trip. "Now, hang on a minute, Sir. It wasn't just me who went chasin' off after a hostile alien on my own the other day. If you hadn't taken matters into your own hands, I would never have had to come and rescue you in the first place. What the hell gives you the right to do these things, and then tell me off for doin' exactly the same?"

"I'm the Captain," said Archer. "I don't have to justify my actions to you, or anyone else." Part of him was horrified at the cold sounding tone of voice he had adopted. He didn't want to act like this around Trip, but the truth was that Trip could get him riled up like no one else, and sometimes his only choice was to retreat within the boundaries of rank.

"Don't do this. Don't cut me off like this, Jon." Trip's tone of voice was soft, almost beseeching, and he hoped that by using the Captain's first name he might be able get through to his best friend. "When I saw you at that alien's mercy it scared me, Jon. I couldn't think straight. I just wanted to kill him."

"And that almost cost you your own life, Trip," replied Archer softly, and the engineer rejoiced at the Captain's use of his nickname. But then Archer's face reverted to its previous cold mask, and Trip felt a lead weight settle somewhere deep inside him.

"Commander Charles Tucker, I am hereby confining you to Enterprise until further notice. You will still be able to move freely about the ship, but you will not be allowed to participate in away missions until I say so. Is that understood?"

A wave of bitterness overwhelmed Trip. He couldn't believe that Jon was doing this to him. No, he corrected himself. This wasn't Jon doing this. This was Captain Archer. It appeared that his friend Jonathan no longer existed, or at least didn't want to be friends with Trip Tucker any longer. Part of him knew there was more to this situation than was immediately apparent – Archer's momentary lapse into the personal proved that, but Trip was too caught up in his own bitterness to examine that issue at the moment. "Your instructions are perfectly clear, Sir," he said, his voice now just as cold as Archer's. "Now, if you don't mind, I have business to attend to. Lack of away missions will enable me to get on with the ship-wide overhaul I've been plannin'."

"You are dismissed, Commander."

* * *

As the door slid shut behind Commander Tucker, Archer slumped back in his chair. The encounter with his Chief Engineer had exhausted him mentally and emotionally, and he just wanted to forget it had ever happened. However, that was not going to be possible. The look of betrayal in Trip's eyes as he had left the room told Archer that he had very probably just lost his best friend. Trip deserved an explanation for what had just happened, and Archer had desperately wanted to give him one, especially when Trip had introduced their personal relationship into the argument. But he had held on to his resolve. He had to keep Trip safe, for his own sake as well as Trip's, and if that meant destroying their friendship, then so be it. Because there was no way he could tell Trip the real reason for his Captain wanting to keep him safe. Because then not only would Trip hate him, he'd feel disgusted and violated as well. The simple truth was that Jonathan Archer was desperately in love with his best friend. He couldn't live without Trip Tucker, and therefore if he had to confine Trip to Enterprise to stop him nearly getting himself killed every other week, then that was how it would have to be.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trip confesses his woes to Malcolm.

Depressed, Trip sat in a corner of the mess hall, gazing out at the stars and paying absolutely no attention to anything going on around him. So caught up in his misery was he that he hadn't even eaten any of the slice of pecan pie sitting on the table in front of him. Three months it had been – three months! – since the Captain had imposed his punishment and confined Trip to the ship. And, what was more, they had been an unusually busy three months, with some kind of exciting or important away mission almost every week. Malcolm, Hoshi, Travis, T'Pol and the Captain had all left Enterprise to explore new planets and meet new people several times recently. Hell, even Dr. Phlox had gone along a couple of times, when his medical expertise was needed. But Trip…

The engineer sighed. He supposed he should be grateful for small mercies – the warp engine was running better than it had done in months, due to all the extra time he was spending working on it. But that didn't make up for the loss of his freedom…or his best friend. But before he could start wallowing in that aspect of his problem, his thoughts were interrupted by a cough. Looking round, he saw Malcolm Reed hovering next to his table, obviously having been standing there for some time trying to get Trip's attention.

"Mind if I join you?"

"Sure, go ahead," replied Trip, waving his hand at the other seat at the table before turning his attention back to the starscape

After several more minutes of silence, Malcolm cleared his throat again. "Er, Trip, is there something the matter?" he asked, knowing full well that there was something the matter, and hoping to get Trip to tell him what it was.

"No, Malcolm, everythin's just peachy." Trip had intended to stop there, but suddenly decided that it might be good to talk to someone, if only to stop himself going crazy. "I've been stuck on this ship for three months, watching everyone else flying off and having fun, and I've lost my best friend. Is that enough for you?"

Malcolm was shocked by the amount of bitterness in Trip's tone. He, along with the rest of Trip's friends, had noticed both the Commander's absence on away missions, and his lack of contact with Captain Archer. None of them had accepted Trip's excuses of a backlog of work in engineering, but since no other explanation had been forthcoming, they had no idea what was going on.

"Trip, what on earth's happened?" Malcolm asked. "And don't try to tell me that it's nothing more than repairs and tinkering with that dammed engine."

Trip hesitated. Did he really want to display all his personal baggage in front of Malcolm? Then he decided he did. Who knew, maybe the armoury officer might even have some kind of insight into the Captain's actions.

"The Cap'n confined me to the ship until further notice," he announced.

Shocked, Malcolm could only ask: "But why?"

"You tell me, Malcolm, you tell me. The Cap'n gave me some load of rubbish about me puttin' myself in danger too much on away missions, and therefore he was keepin' me on Enterprise for my own safety. But when I pointed out that he got into just as much trouble planet-side as I do, he just clammed up and pulled rank on me. Why would Jon do this to me, Malcolm? Why?"

The use of the Captain's first name told Malcolm that there was definitely more to this than Trip not being allowed on away missions. "Can't you try and talk to him about it?" he suggested.

"He won't even see me," Trip complained. "The most we've spoken to each other in the last twelve weeks was after that incident at Parmia Prime, and that was only because the warp reactor was in danger of blowing up!" Then his tone hardened. "Not that I particularly want to see him, you understand. The Jon I used to know would never have done what he's done without some kind of explanation. But evidently bein' the Cap'n of Starfleet's first warp-five vessel has gone to his head. He's not the man I knew anymore, and I don't particularly want to know this new incarnation."

Malcolm wasn't fooled, however. Although Trip's words were harsh, he could see the misery in the man's eyes, and knew that the engineer was desperately missing his best friend. Malcolm resolved to try and talk to the Captain himself about Trip's problem. He knew that there was the distinct possibility of a reprimand for questioning the Captain's orders, but he owed it to Trip, who had been a good friend to him, to try. He stood, deciding to implement his plan right now, before he could chicken out. But he was halted by the sound of the Captain's own voice coming through the comm, its tone one of urgent command.

"Everybody, brace for impact!"

Malcolm and Trip looked at each other for a split second, before grabbing on to the table as the ship lurched violently.

"What the hell is going on!" yelled Trip, as the ship shuddered again.

"Weapons fire, Commander!" replied Malcolm, stumbling across the room to the comm panel. But before he could press the button, the Captain's voice sounded again.

"Senior officers to the Bridge," he barked, and Malcolm immediately changed direction and headed out the door towards his post.

Trip hesitated. He was a senior officer, but should he be on the Bridge or in Engineering? Just as he had decided to follow Malcolm to the Bridge, the comm beeped again.

"Archer to Tucker."

"Tucker here."

"Commander, please go to Engineering and make sure that the warp reactor isn't about to blow up in our faces again. Archer out."

And there it was. Archer had stately clearly and concisely that he didn't want Trip anywhere near him, not even in a time of crisis. Part of Trip knew that in reality Engineering was the most sensible place for him to be, but the other part bridled at the Captain's veiled insult. Archer had implied that he couldn't keep the engines under control, as if he was a greenhorn cadet with no knowledge of warp mechanics.

Grimacing at yet another crappy hand dealt him by the universe, Trip left the mess hall and set off for Engineering. However, he had gone no more than twenty yards when the ship was plunged into darkness.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trip encounters some alien intruders, and Archer gets a horrible surprise.

Trip crept down the corridor, his flashlight held out in front of him. The power had been out for twenty minutes now, and he was anxious to get to Engineering and check on the status of his beloved engine. He had come across Crewmen Arthurs and Payne about five minutes back and sent them off to their stations, and now the corridors were deserted. Or at least, they seemed to be. But Trip had a nasty feeling that he wasn't alone. There were various skittering sounds coming out of the darkness that he was sure weren't being made by humans, and once or twice he had seen strange shadows in the beam of his flashlight.

"Hello?" he called. "Is there anyone there?"

The only response was more clicking and skittering, followed by a rasping sound that sounded suspiciously like metal scraping on metal.

"I should warn you that I'm armed," he added, knowing full well that he held nothing more dangerous than the torch, but hoping that whatever was out there wouldn't work that out.

Another shadow flashed across the wavering spot of light cast by the torch, and Trip started feeling a little nervous. He was alone and unarmed, and possibly surrounded by hostile intruders. He started looking around for a comm panel. This was definitely one of those times when he needed Malcolm and his team of security officers. Finally he found a comm panel, but when he pushed the button, nothing happened. Trip cursed, realising that the power outage had apparently affected more than just the lights.

"Damn! Can someone just give me a break, please!" In answer there was a renewal of the alien noises, much closer than before. With a sinking feeling, Trip turned slowly away from the panel. The beam of his flashlight picked out from the darkness a monstrous form – an alien eight feet tall, with a shiny black exoskeleton and two rather large claws. Trip felt a scream bubbling up in his throat, and it took all of his Starfleet training not to let rip. Slowly, he backed away down the corridor, only to come up against an obstruction behind him – and obstruction that he didn't have to see in order to know that it was another intruder. As the two creatures loomed over him, Trip closed his eyes, and prayed for the end to be quick.

* * *

Archer, Reed and a security team made their way down the darkened corridor, keeping their eyes peeled for intruders. Just before the power outage that had somehow been caused by the alien ship that had appeared off their port bow, T'Pol's sensors had detected the use of a transporting device to beam two life-forms on to Enterprise. But now the power was out, it was up to the humans on board the ship to find the intruders, and not the internal sensors. So far, Archer's team hadn't found anything, and they were nearing Engineering.

Suddenly, Reed motioned for the group to stop. Ahead, from around a corner, was coming a beam of light. Reed cautioned the Captain to stay back, and he and his team moved slowly forward. Seconds went by, and Archer held his breath.

"Captain!" came Reed's voice. "It's Commander Tucker. He's unconscious, Sir."

Archer's heart leapt into his throat. Trip! He was injured! No, this couldn't be happening. He had kept Trip on Enterprise to stop exactly this kind of thing from occurring. He rounded the corner at a run, and threw himself down by the man he secretly loved.

"Trip! Trip, can you hear me? Damn it, Trip!" At that moment the power flickered back on, illuminating the corridor, and throwing into stark relief the bruises that covered Trip's face. In the background, Archer could hear Reed contacting sickbay, asking Dr. Phlox to report to section 7, corridor 5B immediately. But Archer barely heard him. All he could focus on was Trip, lying unconscious in front of him, and he cursed himself for not taking better care of his friend.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Archer realises that he has done the wrong thing.

The steady beeping of the sickbay instruments helped Jonathan Archer hold on to what little of his sanity was left. The intruders had left, and every member of his crew was safe. All except one. Trip had been lying on a biobed in sickbay for three hours now, and was showing no sign of getting better. Whatever the aliens had done to him had put him into some kind of coma. And while Archer was confident that Dr. Phlox and his machines were doing everything they could to heal the engineer, he couldn't hold at bay the thoughts that this might be it – that Trip might have faced danger once too often.

"Oh, Trip," Archer muttered. "Why couldn't you have kept yourself out of trouble, just this once?" Part of Archer knew that he was being irrational, that there was no way Trip, or anyone else, could have prevented what had happened. But the other part of him was angry, so angry, that Trip had allowed himself to end up in sickbay once again.

"Captain?" said Phlox's voice at his shoulder, startling him out of his melancholy thoughts. Archer mentally braced himself for the worst, before asking his question.

"What's the prognosis, Doctor?"

"Good, I am happy to say. The aliens took numerous tissue samples from Commander Tucker, which would account for his extensive bruising, and also for his coma-like state. His body went into deep shock at such an invasive procedure, but I am confident he will wake up once his body has started the healing process. Unfortunately, I cannot predict exactly when he will awake, so I would strongly suggest that you return to your quarters and get some rest, Captain."

"No, Doctor, that's alright. I'm staying right here until he wakes."

And so Archer sat by Trip's biobed all through the night, alternating between prayers for his safe recovery, and fear at what would happen when his friend awoke. Always assuming that Trip still was his friend, of course. Archer knew he had treated Trip terribly, and even though throughout that long night he tried to justify his actions to himself numerous times, he couldn't. There was no excuse for what he had done, not even trying to keep Trip safe. All he had done was succeed in alienating his best friend.

Eventually, morning came, and with it the realisation that Archer was due back on duty in less than an hour. But there was no way he was leaving sickbay. Slowly, his cramped and aching body protesting at every movement, he made his way to the comm panel on the wall.

"Archer to T'Pol."

"T'Pol here."

"Could you please assume my duty on the Bridge this morning. Commander Tucker is still unconscious, and I want to be here when he wakes up." Archer braced himself for a disapproving comment from his First Officer, but surprisingly T'Pol acquiesced to his request, and ended the transmission.

He was still standing by the comm panel pondering T'Pol's slight personality change, when the sound of a groan met his ears. He turned in time to see Phlox hurrying behind the screen that shielded Trip's biobed. A few seconds later, the Doctor's head reappeared.

"Captain, you'll be happy know that Commander Tucker is waking up. Give me just a few minutes to administer the necessary drugs, and then you can see him."

Panicked, Archer could only nod. Suddenly he realised he had no idea what he was going to say to Trip. He had tried out several speeches in his head during the night, but now none of them seemed quite right. And what if Trip wouldn't forgive him? He wasn't sure he could bear to see the hatred in Trip's eyes that he was sure would be there. Not that he'd been looking at Archer with a particularly friendly expression of late, anyway. Overwhelmed by his panic, Archer bolted from sickbay. Phlox looked around the screen again just in time to see the doors sliding shut behind his Captain.

"That's funny," he mused. "I'm sure I just heard him asking the Sub-Commander to take over his morning duties." Shrugging at the sometimes unfathomable nature of humans, Phlox returned to his patient.

Trip stirred groggily, and then winced at the pain his movement had caused.

"Lie still please, Commander," came the cheerful voice of Dr. Phlox. "You'll feel much better in a minute, once I've administered these painkillers." Trip felt the pressure of a hypospray against his neck, followed by the wonderful feeling of the drugs entering his system.

"What happened, Doc?" he asked, having trouble getting the words past his parched lips.

"You were attacked – again – by some aliens that had invaded the ship," replied Phlox, holding a straw to Trip's mouth and allowing some water to slip down the engineer's throat. "I must say, Commander, that you do seem to have quite a knack for getting yourself into trouble."

"Yeah, and you're not the only one who's noticed," Trip muttered, remembering once again his current differences with Archer.

"But everyone's been quite concerned about you," continued the doctor, oblivious to Trip's bitter remark. "Particularly the Captain."

"Yeah, right," said Trip sceptically. "I'm surprised he hasn't booted me off the ship already for endin' up in sickbay again."

"No indeed!" said Phlox, somewhat surprised. "He really has been very worried about you. I tried numerous times last night to get him to go back to his quarters and get some rest, but he insisted on sitting with you until you woke up."

Trip was surprised. Jon had sat up all night with him? That didn't fit in at all with his behaviour over the past few months. However, as Trip looked around sickbay, Archer was conspicuous by his absence. "So where is he now, Doc?"

"Well, that's the strange thing, Commander. Just as you were waking up, he rushed off. I assume he had some kind of duty to attend to, otherwise I'm sure he would most certainly still be here."

Trip frowned. Something didn't add up here. Why would Jon rush off when the thing he'd been waiting for all night had finally happened? Trip decided that it was time he confronted the Captain about everything that had been going on recently. And this time he wasn't going to take 'no' for an answer.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trip comes to a realisation, and decides that he needs an explanation from Archer. But he doesn't like what he hears...

Late evening of the third day after he had awoken in sickbay, Trip stood outside the Captain's quarters. He had just been released by Dr. Phlox, who had made him promise to go straight to his quarters and sleep, but Trip figured he was only bending the rules a little bit by stopping off to see Jon on his way. Their quarters were on the same corridor, after all.

He had tried several times over the past three days to contact the Captain from sickbay, but Archer always seemed to be busy or unavailable. Trip knew the Captain was avoiding him, but he was still determined to have it out with his friend, and there was no way he was going to be able to sleep until he had seen Jon. He had been doing a lot of thinking while confined to sickbay, and had discovered that he had missed Jon a lot more than he had realised. Finding out that Jon had been watching over him while he had been unconscious had reminded him what a good friend and special person Jon was – that was, when he wasn't being a complete asshole, as he had been recently. But Trip had realised that he didn't want to be Jonathan Archer's friend any more – he wanted more. He had been so hurt when Jon had cut him out of his life, but he had never really bothered to analyse why. But now he had it all worked out – his misery had resulted from being rejected by the man he loved.

Raising his fist, Trip pounded on the door. "Come on, Jon, open up!" He didn't even know if Archer was in his quarters, but he wasn't leaving until he had spoken to the Captain. "We have to talk!" But the door remained firmly closed, and Trip realised that this was getting him nowhere. If Jon was in there, he obviously wasn't going to let Trip in. "Jon, I'm gonna wait out here until you speak to me, so you might as well open the door." But still the door remained closed. Trip steeled himself for a long wait. Even if the Captain wasn't in there, he would have to return sometime, and when he did, he would find Trip Tucker waiting for him. Trip settled himself on the floor by the door. He probably looked stupid, and this was definitely breaking his promise to Phlox, but he didn't care. He would talk to Jon even if it killed him.

* * *

Inside his quarters, Archer waited for the pounding on the door to resume, but when it didn't he sighed with relief. Trip must have left – he obviously needed his rest, and Archer gave no credence to the threat to stay outside until he showed up. The truth was, he desperately wanted to open the door, take Trip in his arms, and show him how much he was glad his friend was okay. But he knew that Trip would run a mile from such behaviour, alienating him from Archer even more.

So Archer left the door closed, and remained alone with his thoughts, eventually dropping into a troubled sleep.

* * *

Throwing yet another bundle of clean clothes on the floor, Archer cursed loudly. He had had a restless night, and as a consequence had overslept. He was on duty in ten minutes and couldn't find his left boot, having turned his quarters upside down looking for it. Turning away from his closet in frustration, he suddenly spied it wedged down the side of his bedside cabinet. Retrieving it, he pulled it on to his foot and hurried over to the door. Slapping the button to open it, he tried to step outside…and nearly stumbled over an obstacle on the threshold. Looking down, he realised that he had nearly tripped over his Chief Engineer, who was lying curled up in front of his door, sound asleep. Evidently, Trip's threat hadn't been so empty after all.

Looking down at his best friend, Archer felt a wave of tenderness sweep over him. Trip looked a lot younger when he was asleep. His cheeks were slightly flushed, and his sandy hair was tousled. And judging by the tension in his limbs, he had obviously been sleeping on the hard floor all night. Guilt overtook Archer at having put his best friend through this, especially when Trip was still recovering from his extensive injuries.

Bending down, Archer shook Trip's shoulder gently. "Trip? Come on, buddy, rise and shine."

Trip stirred. "Where am I?" he mumbled sleepily, and then, as his eyes flickered open: "Jon? That you?"

"Yes Trip, it's me. Come on, get up. You need a shower and some breakfast." Taking Trip's arm, Archer guided him into his quarters.

* * *

Archer waited nervously for Trip to emerge from the shower. The two of them hadn't really spoken when they had got inside the Captain's quarters. Trip had simply obeyed Archer's instruction to get himself cleaned up, disappearing into the bathroom. And now Archer was terrified that the shower was going to bring Trip to his senses, and that he was going to be on the receiving end of a tirade from a very angry engineer.

The sound of the water shutting off alerted Archer to the fact that Trip would be reappearing any minute. He barely had time to compose his thoughts before Trip emerged from the bathroom, wrapped in a towel with his hair sticking out in all directions. Archer was again struck by the desire to take Trip in his arms – didn't the man realise how damn sexy he looked? But instead he braced himself for a torrent of abuse…

…and was surprised when instead Trip perched on the edge of Archer's bed and sighed wearily. "What's goin' on Jon?" he asked simply.

Archer found himself lost for words. "Oh Trip, I'm so sorry," he said at last. "What I did to you was awful. And completely the wrong thing to do – I see that now."

"But why on earth did you do it?"

"To keep you safe."

"To keep me safe!"

"I couldn't bear to see you in sickbay, fighting for your life yet again. It seemed like every time you left this ship, you ended up nearly getting killed, and I couldn't let that happen any more."

"I'm a big boy, Jon. I can take care of myself, y'know," said Trip. "And in case you hadn't noticed, keeping me on the ship didn't work out real well in the end. What are you gonna do next? Confine me to my quarters, only to have some alien virus get at me through the ventilation system?"

"I know, Trip. I know it was stupid. But like I said…"

"You wanted to keep me safe, I know. But that doesn't explain why you cut me out of your life so completely."

"Because I knew that every time I saw you, you would demand an explanation. An explanation I couldn't give you."

"And why is that, Jon?"

"Because I knew it would make you hate me more than you already did."

"Oh, I'm not sure that would have been possible," Trip joked. However, at the haunted look in Archer's eyes, he realised that this was no laughing matter. "So, are you gonna explain it to me now?"

Archer gulped. He suddenly realised that he hadn't planned on the conversation going this far. But now he was backed into a corner. There was no way he could refuse Trip's request now without alienating him again. So he took a deep breath, and plunged in.

"It was because I love you, Trip." Hesitantly, Archer looked up, afraid of the disgust he might see in the other man's eyes. And he wasn't disappointed. Trip's face clearly showed that he was having a hard time resisting knocking Jon on his ass, and walking out there and then. But surprisingly, Trip didn't seem to be disgusted – just angry.

"Because you love me!" he said bitterly. "You confine me to the ship and cut me out of your life because you love me! You've got a damn funny way of showing your feelings, Jon."

Trip couldn't believe it. Here was Jon telling him the thing that he had recently come to realise he wanted to hear most in the whole world, but he was also telling him that this love had made him ruin Trip's life. How on earth could that be called love? Jon's emotions had obviously become a little twisted being stuck out here in space.

"I don't think you know what love is, Jon," he said furiously. "Love is when you care about another person no matter what. Love is when you trust the other person with your innermost feelin's. Love is when you want to be with them even if they're tryin' cut you out of their life through some stupid, misguided attempt to protect themselves. Because that's what you were tryin' to do, Jon. Protect yourself, not me!"

Archer knew that what Trip was saying was true. He _had_ been trying to protect himself, thinking that if he didn't have to see Trip, whether injured or healthy, he would be able to keep his feelings under better control. He felt ashamed, and realised that he had lost his best friend more completely than he ever would have through letting him go on a stupid away mission. Then his brain clicked into gear, and he registered the rest of what Trip had said. "Love is when you want to be with someone even if they're trying to cut you out of their life." And he realised who Trip was referring to.

"Are you saying that you love me, Trip?"

Trip sighed. "No, Jon. I don't love you. I love the Jonathan Archer who would have trusted me with his feelings. The Jonathan Archer who wouldn't have ignored me just to protect himself." With this parting shot, Trip gathered up his crumpled clothes, and strode out the door.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trip suddenly sees things from Archer's perspective.

Trip stood behind Malcolm's left shoulder, and watched as Captain Archer spoke to the governmental representative of Juran. Enterprise had run across a Juranan ship two days ago, and had been invited back to the Juran home world for a visit. Archer had leapt at the chance to meet yet another new culture, and had immediately set a course.

Trip wasn't sure why exactly he had been summoned to the Bridge for this meeting, however. There was plenty he could have been doing down in Engineering, but no matter how mad he was at Archer, he couldn't ignore a direct order from his Captain. So here he was, getting progressively more bored as the conversation between Archer and the Juranan representative lengthened. Suddenly, he was brought back to attention by the sound of his name.

"Trip, T'Pol, you're with me. Malcolm, you're in charge until we return from Juran."

An away mission! Finally, he was being allowed off the ship! Trip's heart leapt, and then just as quickly sank as he realised the mission was going to involve spending a lot of time in Archer's company. The two of them hadn't spoken, except in a professional context, since Trip had stormed out of Archer's quarters nearly a week earlier. Trip missed Jon desperately, especially since he had only recently discovered the true nature of his feelings for his best friend. But he was still far too hurt by Jon's actions to want to spend any time with him. He appreciated that Archer was trying to make it up to him by bringing him on this away mission, but at the moment it was far too little, too late.

* * *

Sitting in Shuttlepod One, Trip cursed his fate again at being dragged on this particular away mission. The atmosphere in the shuttle was pretty frosty, what with him and Jon not talking to each other, and T'Pol being…well, Vulcan. Luckily, the trip to the planet's surface was short, and it wasn't long before Archer was greeting the governmental representative, Tunar, in person. Archer and T'Pol were immediately led off to view the capital city, while an offer was made to Trip to examine some of Juranan ships, an offer he accepted with alacrity since it meant he could get away from Archer.

Several hours later, the away team met back at the shuttlepod. Archer was raving about the city and its architecture, having found representative Tunar very accommodating. Even T'Pol seemed impressed by the Juranan society. Trip, meanwhile, had seen numerous different kinds of ships, and had been in his element examining their warp technology. He had even managed to forget about Jon for a few hours. But now it was time to return to Enterprise, and Trip amused himself by looking around the plaza they were standing in while the Captain agreed to return tomorrow with more of his crew.

As he gazed around, however, he noticed something rather strange. A large crowd had gathered around the shuttle to say goodbye to the Captain and his crewmembers. That in itself wasn't the odd thing. It was the people slipping furtively through the crowd, trying to avoid being seen, that had captured his attention. Trip tensed.

"Cap'n," he muttered. But Archer didn't hear him, and Trip was forced to speak a little louder. "Cap'n," he said again.

Archer turned away from Tunar. "Yes, Trip, what is it?" he asked exasperatedly.

But Trip was no longer listening. One of the figures he had noticed previously had pushed his way to the front of the crowd, and was now raising his arm, pointing something in the direction of the Enterprise officers.

"Cap'n!" yelled Trip, reaching out to push Archer out of the way.

But he wasn't quite fast enough. There was a burst of weapons fire, and then Archer was crumbling to the floor.

"Oh shit!" gasped Trip. Throwing himself down next to Archer's prone body, he placed his fingers on the Captain's neck, trying to detect a pulse. Relief flooded through him when he felt a faint fluttering under his fingertips. But Archer wasn't moving, and fear quickly overtook the relief. "Jon, can you hear me? Oh god, please be alright."

Dimly, in the background, he could hear Tunar desperately apologising to T'Pol, explaining that there were certain members of the Juranan people who believed that Juran should be a closed society, and therefore didn't look kindly on visitors from other planets. But Trip barely heard any of this. His whole attention was taken up by Jon. Suddenly he understood why Jon had kept him on the ship all those months. It was to avoid feeling just like this. Okay, so Jon had had his fair share of injuries on away missions, and as his best friend Trip had been extremely worried about him. But that was nothing compared to what he felt now. His worry was a hundred times what it had been in the past, and all because he had realised he loved the man who could right now be dying in front of him.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Archer finds out about Trip's change of heart.

The insistent beeping of the door chime dragged Trip out of a deep sleep. As he groggily surfaced from his slumber, he realised that he had actually been hearing the noise for some time in his dreams, and he was surprised that whoever was outside the door hadn't either tried to force entry into his quarters, or left.

Glancing at the clock, he saw that he had been asleep for nearly twelve hours, ever since Dr. Phlox had practically thrown him out of sickbay. Trip had spent the best part of the last three days watching over Captain Archer in the medical facility; not sleeping, barely eating, afraid that if he took his eyes off Archer for even a second something dreadful would happen. Eventually, however, he had nearly passed out from sheer exhaustion, and Phlox had ordered him to go to his quarters and get some rest, promising to notify him as soon as there was any change in the Captain's condition.

The door chime beeped again, and Trip realised that he had nearly dozed off again after checking the time. He was drained from all the worry and tension, and felt that he was in no fit state to see anyone. But it was clear that whoever was standing outside had no intention of going away anytime soon. Shaking himself into a more awake state, Trip swung his legs over the side of the bed and dragged himself over to the door.

As the door slid open, the harsh corridor lights burned into his eyes, making him squint and leaving him unable to identify his visitor for a few seconds. But when a voice asked: "Well, can I come in?" he knew instantly who was standing in front of him.

"Jon?" he asked in disbelief.

"None other," replied Archer.

There was a pause while Trip's brain caught up with current events. "You're really here?" he asked wonderingly

"Yes, Trip, I'm really here. Now, can I come in or not?" Archer's voice held a tone of exasperated amusement, but Trip thought he could detect a hint of nervousness too.

"Of course, Cap'n," he said, stepping back to allow Archer to enter. Turning away from the door, he suddenly realised that his quarters looked like they'd been hit by several phase canon bursts, and he started hurriedly scooping things off the floor and throwing them into his closet. However, he'd only picked up a few things when a hand on his arm brought him to a halt.

"Trip, stop that," said Archer softly. "You know you don't have to do that for me. I've seen your quarters in a lot worse of a state than this. I remember in the last few weeks before Enterprise's warp core came online you were so swamped with work that you never had time to clean. You couldn't see the floor of your apartment for all the piles of dirty clothes and dishes, and scraps of paper covered in calculations," he joked.

Suddenly Trip felt overwhelmed. The relief he felt at having Jon standing here, joking with him, slammed into him so hard that his legs wobbled, and he nearly fell. Only Jon's hand on his arm prevented him from ending up on the floor.

"How, Jon? How?" he whispered. "The last time I saw you, you were unconscious, and Phlox was losin' all hope of ever bein' able to wake you up. He didn't say so to me, but I could see it in his eyes – you were dyin'."

"Well, several hours after you left sickbay, the good Doctor made a breakthrough. I don't pretend to understand all the medical jargon, but suffice to say, here I am. I'm going to be sore for a few days, but soon I'll be good as new."

Some irritation at Archer's gung-ho attitude towards his own health finally seeped through Trip's shock. "You should still be in sickbay, Cap'n," he said angrily. "Not gallivantin' around the ship visitin' me! Not that it isn't good to see you," he finished quietly

Archer smiled ruefully. "The only way Phlox would let me out of sickbay was if I promised to come straight back after I'd seen you," he confessed. "I think he's got Malcolm and a team of security officers standing by to drag me back if I break that promise."

"But why have you come to see me at all?"

"Phlox told me about your vigil, Trip. And I must say that you're a fine one to tell me about risking my health when it seems you didn't sleep for about sixty hours."

"I couldn't, Jon. I couldn't take my eyes off you for a second. What if you had woken up and I hadn't been there to say hello? What if you had died and I hadn't been there to say goodbye?"

"Well obviously I haven't died, and even though you weren't there to welcome me back to the land of living, I'll forgive you just this once." Then the joking tone in Archer's voice died away. "I'm sorry, Trip," he said. "I know I've said it already, but I'm going to keep on saying it until you believe me. I really, truly am sorry."

"It's okay, Jon." Trip put his finger on Archer's lips to stem the flow of words. "I believe you. I believed you the very first time you said it. I guess I was just hurtin' too much because of you not trustin' me with your feelin's." Seeing that Archer was about to try and speak again, he pressed his finger a little harder against the other man's lips. "But it doesn't matter now. I realise how difficult it can be to love someone while in our situation. You may not have done the right thing, but I understand why you did it."

Trip removed his finger from Archer's lips and slowly replaced it with his own mouth, stepping forward so he could encircle Jon with his arms. The kiss was tentative at first, but quickly deepened as the two men poured all their pent up emotions, and frustration at the time wasted, into it. Archer moaned deep in his throat, and Trip shivered at the sound. After several minutes they finally pulled apart, their breathing heavy and faces flushed. As Trip gazed into Jon's eyes, he saw the desire flickering in their depths that he knew must be mirrored in his own face. The sight made him shiver again with anticipation.

But now was not the time for this, and reluctantly Trip stepped back slightly. Archer made a disappointed noise and tried to follow him, but Trip put a restraining hand on his chest.

"We can't do this now, Jon."

Archer pouted slightly. "Why not?"

Trip smiled. "Well, for one thing, I don't think I want Malcolm and his security team to find us in any uncompromisin' positions. And," he added, as some slight movement caused Archer to wince, "I don't think you're quite up to it at the moment. And I want you at your peak before we engage in any…strenuous activities."

Sighing, Archer gave in. "I guess you're right. I do have one request, however."

Anythin' you want, Cap'n," replied Trip. "Well, nearly anythin'," he amended, as the wicked glint sparkled in Jon's eyes again.

"Will you give me a farewell kiss before I go back to Phlox's tender mercies?"

"Well sure, darlin'. I'd be happy to."


End file.
